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Yes, I made a ficblog. As if anyone is really going to be seeing this but me, but whatever. Maybe this will encourage me to, I don't know, write more often like I should be doing?

Title: Token of Green
Fandom: X
Genre: Introspective?
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Pairings: Inferred S/S.
Author's Notes/Summary: I've been wanting to get this idea down onto paper for a while now. Basically, one way of how Seishirou might have realized that he loved Subaru. Note that this is not necessarily a good thing. ^^;;

Author's notes:

I'm not really back from hiatus. I'm more testing the waters. I've been trying to get this concept into text for a while now. I'm not too sure how well I succeeded. My writing feels a bit forced, to me.

So remember, constructive criticism is my friend.

Token of Green by Feye Morgan

The Sakurazukamori stood silently before his closet door, weighing a woolen scarf in one hand thoughtfully. He was eying the contents of the closet, the scattered items on the shelves, with curious intent.

This meant something.

The scarf had been worn by his latest victim, a young girl in her twenties with short black hair and a quick step. That is, until he'd broken her and everything she carried apart into small, bloodied sakura.

Everything except the scarf. He'd kept that. He always kept something from his kills, to remember. Otherwise, the fleeting sensation of the chase, the strike, the blood and the victim's dying rattle, all were gone too quickly from his mind.

Sensation. Unable to feel it for longer than a moment, unable to remember it for longer than a day, he craved it. He would come to his closet on frequent occasion to finger a token or two, to feel the rush return with the memory aided by the physical presence of stained possessions.

He could smell the blood on them, he could remember in an instant the chase, the look of terror in dark eyes and the excitement it thrilled in him, and how it felt when his hand, thin and taut, tore down through hot blood and fragile bone, the snapping and squelching of death ringing in his ears...

All, he could remember.

But at some point in time, some unmarked, invisible transition had occurred. Some point in time when the objects had begun to bring different visions, different sensations. It was slow, budding softly, and he hadn't even realized it was happening until now, when the evidence was piled before him row after row after row...

He brought the green scarf up to his face, closed his eyes, and breathed in deeply.


Memories flooded his mind, images of one face laughing, crying, stained in blood.

He'd not smelled that person's scent on the scarf. Why did he see him, then?

Frowning, the Sakurazukamori opened his eyes and took the scarf from his face. He stared down at it in puzzlement. Why had he kept it? It held no remembrance of his victim in its woven fibres. It held no sensations of the chase, of the kill. No sweet sounds of her neck cracking and splintering echoed in his ears.


He looked up from the scarf and back into his closet.

Scanning across the shelves, he could count back time. He remembered every kill he'd made in the beginning. Reaching out to brush his hand over a lock of red hair confirmed this. He was greeted with the memory of his hand slicing through a child's heart, the small body nearly cloven in two by a wound almost as large as its chest. He smiled darkly.

He smile faded as he removed his hand and looked down the months. Slowly, bit by bit, his tokens did not match his kills. A splash of emerald green here, a snatch of white there; those items did not bring him memories of his victims.

He reached out and touched a torn piece of fabric the same shade of cream as His.

Before his hand even made contact, he felt. The sensations washed over him, and images of a kind face in twisted pain danced in his mind's eye. Something twisted in kind inside of him, and his mouth parted slightly in mild surprise.

He pulled away and stared. His eye gazed down the line of mementos, watching as they grew greener and greener, purer and purer, until he realized that they no longer symbolized anything resembling his kills. He'd not picked them because of that, even though his consciousness had thought otherwise.

He chuckled once, a soft puff of air escaping sharply from his throat. He closed his eyes.

What disturbed him more than knowing that everything he kept anymore was anything that reminded him of Subaru-kun was that he no longer needed to touch those mementos to remember what they symbolized.

He didn't need them anymore.

He could feel his Subaru-kun without them.

He chuckled again when he realized what that meant, and he wondered absently if this was what his mother had really meant. He wondered if she had stood before this closet door in much the same manner.

It didn't matter.

He dropped the scarf not watching or caring as it crumpled to the floor. He already had what he wanted from it.

He closed the closet door thoughtfully, drumming his fingers on the smooth wood for a moment afterward. It was such a pity; he would have to give up his dream of staining his Subaru-kun in lifeblood, watching that creation of perfection drown in his own death. He realized now that he could never do it. He could never kill the Sumeragi.

Though there might be a way to see his Subaru-kun in blood one last time.

Yes, he thought, and smiled to himself. Yes, there was.

He left and never returned.

Date: 2005-09-26 11:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ooh, nice. It's things like this that make me love the concept of fanfiction.

I also have much love for your icon, by the way.

Date: 2005-09-27 12:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks. :) I'm glad you liked the fic. If you have any nitpicking at all, please let me know. I'm posting mainly to improve myself, because I know that my skills still need a lot of work. They're not even near the level of, oh, Xyn, for instance.

I'm glad you like the icon. ^_^ The inspiration came partly from a one-liner during a gaming session from one of the part members. Monty Python is the perfect antidote for that horrible scene in the manga.

Thanks for commenting!

Date: 2005-09-27 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I would post criticism if I could find anything to criticize. It was a very powerful fic that sent chills down my spine: it seems very similiar to what a real serial killer would think and feel. Completely amoral, operating on his own terms and values. I particularly liked how Seishirou could track his growing attachment (obsession?) to Subaru through the increasing number of green items in his closet.

Hahha, great icon. ^^

Date: 2005-09-27 01:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I particularly liked how Seishirou could track his growing attachment (obsession?) to Subaru through the increasing number of green items in his closet.

Thanks! That was the entire concept behind the story, actually, so I'm glad it turned out well. Thank you for reading and commenting! I did take the concept of tokens from kills from my readings on psychopathic serial killers, but I'm not sure if I quite caught the fine details. O_o; Probably not, but I'm hoping it works well enough in this.

I'm glad you liked the fic. If you come up with anything nitpicky, please do let me know. ^_^ And thanks, about the icon. ^__^

Date: 2005-09-27 01:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Myehehe. As if anyone is really going to be seeing this but me, but whatever.

Forget that, little girl. Tanuki is stalking you.

(goes on happily)

Date: 2005-09-27 01:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*sweatdrop* ^_^;;; Well. I'm flattered. I'm stalking you back, so, um, yes. We're even. Muahaha!

Date: 2005-09-27 03:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Very good job. ^^ I really have nothing to nitpick; technically, your writing is excellent.

I've always been partial to the idea that Seishirou collects souvenirs of his kills. But I love the idea even more of him unknowingly collecting items because they remind him of Subaru. Makes me wonder how Subaru would react if he ever knew. Anyway, brilliant story. ♥

Date: 2005-09-27 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you. ^_^ If you do come up with anything, let me know. Yes, I've said that to everyone else, too, and I mean it. I love criticism.

Subaru...if he ever knew...would probably be both disturbed and secretly flattered. Because Su-kun is screwed up that way. ^_^ *hugs him*

Thanks for reading commenting!

Date: 2005-09-28 10:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm late on this, but I've been busy. Eheh. But! :O Your style has GREATLY changed from long ago. This is absolutely wonderful! I, too, can't seem to find anything to criticize about. But I will always keep in mind that you love all sorts of feedback n.n

The last line is heartbreaking and Seishirou's obsession was very well done here. I really enjoyed this piece and definitely hope you continue to write ♥

Date: 2005-09-28 11:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! Again, I'm glad to know I've improved. That definitely gives me heart. And I'll certainly keep writing. I live for writing. And on this one or any other ones of mine that you happen to read, I'd love to hear any input and criticism, you have to give. Really. I'm still grateful to you for giving me the wake-up call--how long ago was it? A year ago, maybe? I'll always value your input. Thank you very much for giving the time to read!

Date: 2005-09-29 05:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*laughs* So you remember! I was and still am amazed at how gracefully you took the e-mail since I worry about offending some people. It made me glad to since you really have a way with words has always been excellent. And it looks like your characterizations are looking good, too!

Again, looking forward to more by you!

Date: 2005-09-29 05:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Of course I remember! I immediately changed how I was roleplaying Subaru and started being a lot more careful with everything I had him do and think. I still believe I'm off, but I've been trying ever since you pointed it out! Don't worry about offending me. I was really bad then, and I know it. I still don't have him correct, and I know it. But you helped a huge amount in setting me straight, and I thank you immensely for that! You are my hero.

Date: 2005-09-29 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*flustered* I'm totally happy to hear that I helped you, but I think I only nudged you to improve. You did most of it yourself, starting with wanting to be better. So definitely give yourself a huge chunk of that gratefulness because you deserve it! You're getting there and I'm certain you will do fine n.n♥

Date: 2005-10-01 01:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, we'll see. ^^; There's only so much improvement I can do on my own, and I wouldn't have gotten anywhere in the first place without you pointing out my faults.

Let's just hope I'm able to hold up your expectations. ^_^ I'll try my best. And thanks for being there to read and critique!

Date: 2005-10-01 09:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
XDXD I don't think I really have expectations as much as hope. Again, I think you'll be fine ♥


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Etienne Bessette

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