etienne_bessette: (kicked_puppy)
[personal profile] etienne_bessette
(credit for the background goes to the BBC)

Ergh...I hate the title. I couldn't think of what else to call it, though. O_o;;

There's something not quite right with this fic, I know. I can tell. I just can't pinpoint it. -_-; So...yeah. That's why I have a ficblog in the first place, though; to invite constructive criticism.

Oh yeah, did I mention? This fic is utterly and completely pointless. Don't look for meaning. There isn't any. ^^;;

Title: A Lesson in Anatomy
Fandom: TB
Genre: Pointless crack
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Pairings: S/S.
Author's Notes/Summary: There is no point whatsoever to this fanfic. But the idea amused me, even if I did probably butcher the exectution. Basically, Subaru has a very embarassing day in class, and Seishirou does not help matters.

Author's Notes: I'll just bet that this has been done before, somewhere, sometime, by somebody else, and been done better than I'm about to do it. But darned if I've read it, and darned if this didn't just bite and grab ahold of me anyway.

Heck, I'm just glad that I'm writing again.

By the way, did I mention that the entire reason behind my hiatus was that I suck at writing Subaru? Well, I do. I did then, and I think that I still do now. There's something...not right...with this fic, and darned if I can pinpoint it. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

A Lesson in Anatomy -- Feye Morgan

Subaru knew as soon as his anatomy instructor had uttered the words 'reproductive systems' that he was going to have a very, very bad day.

"Once puberty is reached..."

It wasn't as though he didn't know most of it already, he mused as he tried valiantly not to squirm in his seat. Large high schools tended to do that on principle. But for heaven's sake, did the teacher have to go into every little detail so thoroughly?!

"The prostate gland, roughly the size of a walnut, has two distinct purposes..."

He hunched miserably over his desk, cheeks burning bright red where he knew everyone could see, and at that moment he wished for a hat to hide his face under, no matter how rude it would be to wear one in class!

The instructor lectured on, and Subaru's face grew more and more red, and oh Kami-sama! Why was that clock ticking by so slowly?!

*I wish I'd had a job today, I wish I'd had a job so I could skip class...*

He instantly felt guilty at the thought. School was important! This class especially was important! How was he ever to become a zookeeper if he didn't know the basics of anatomy?


Subaru suppressed the urge to squeak and hide at a particularly vivid piece of information so kindly imparted by the instructor.

Oh, the torture!

Subaru couldn't recall being happier to hear the end-of-class bell shrill through the halls. He gathered his books hastily and shoved them into his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and rushing out of the room.

His only relief was that his sister hadn't been there to witness that. Or, god forbid, Seishirou-san.


Subaru froze, his face a priceless expression of growing horror and disbelief.


"There you are, Subaru-kun!"

Not. Happening.

Slowly, Subaru turned around to behold his worst fear come true.

Seishirou was cheerily leaning up against the wall by the classroom door, waving jubilantly with one hand and holding what looked to be a take-out bag in the other.

Subaru was going to die. His immediate thought was: 'Oh no, how long has he been standing there?!'

He swallowed timidly and shuffled reluctantly over to Seishirou, who seemed to be completely oblivious to his growing mortification.

"I don't have any more appointments for today, so I figured I'd pick you up from class," the kindly vet was saying. "Hokuto-chan gave me a copy of your schedule, along with orders to make sure you ate something."

Subaru blinked and nearly stumbled as the bag of take-out was thrust into his arms. The next thing he knew, a steadying arm had shot out around his shoulders, and--

--when had Seishirou gotten so close?

Subaru blinked and looked up into a concerned and very near face. He froze, unable to look away from Seishirou's intense golden eyes. The older man was peering down at him closely. "Subaru-kun? Are you feeling all right?"

Subaru tried not to squeak. "Y-y-Yes, S-Seishirou-san!" he stammered, cursing himself inwardly for his ineptness. He knew his face was bright red.

The quieted snickers and giggles he heard from around them didn't help much either. His cheeks turned an even deeper red.

Thankfully, Seishirou seemed to sense his discomfort and take pity on him, for he pulled away and shifted his arm to place merely a guiding hand lightly on the Sumeragi's back. Subaru eased a sigh of relief.

Maybe Seishirou had only just shown up. Maybe he'd not heard anything. Just maybe...

Luck was not with the Sumeragi that day.

"I, ah, hope I didn't keep you waiting long, Seishirou-san," Subaru said nervously in the car, eyes cast down to his lap where his hands were picking at the fabric of his gloves.

"Not at all, Subaru-kun!" Seishirou responded, glancing briefly away from the street.

Subaru felt his body ease with relief. Oh good. What a relief. So he hadn't--

"I was perfectly content listening to that fascinating lecture."

Oh, god.

They were paused at a red light, and Subaru was vaguely contemplating throwing himself out of the car and bolting.

The young onmyouji spent a few moments in awkward, frozen silence before he managed to lift his head and peek up at Seishirou. The older man was eyeing him thoughtfully with a glint in his eye that made Subaru instantly very, very nervous. He swallowed.

"Although, I'm quite sorry to say, the instructor sounded terribly dry," Seishirou went on.

Dry? Dry?! Subaru had been too busy dying in a puddle of mortification to notice.

The sounds of shifting and crinkling of seat covers gave Subaru about a second's warning before Seishirou had leaned in close, face about an inch away. Subaru squeaked and froze, eyes wide and cheeks flushing bright crimson.

This had to be the longest red light in the history of Tokyo.

"It's a pity you wouldn't let me teach you, Subaru-kun," Seishirou purred deeply. "I could make the subject matter so much more...pleasant..."


The light turned green.

Date: 2005-09-28 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ah, there isn't enough TYOB fluff ^_____^

Date: 2005-09-28 11:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I agree. There isn't. Although fortunately there's more TB fluff than X fluff. X fluff is decidedly harder to pull off, though. *wistful sigh* Thanks for reading! And if you have any criticism, any at all, please, let me know. I post to improve, always.

Date: 2005-09-28 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Damn that light! Why didn't it break? I'm sure S could break it.... Lol. Sweet. XD!

Date: 2005-09-28 11:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Seishirou eyes the light.


Small pieces of plastic tinkle to the pavement.

Subaru sweatdrops and whimpers.

*sigh* Pity, I know. Subaru probably would have passed out at any point beyond that, though. ^^;

Thanks for reading! If you have any criticism, please let me know. I need to improve, and I know it.

Date: 2005-09-29 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
LOL! Eh. There's always room for improvement... But from my level of expectation of fic, I don't feel I want to rewrite it, charactization was a little off, cracky... But not to the point were it couldn't have been Subaru... XD; And I like crack. (which is the worst thing I can think of). I have no concept of spelling or grammar either. Lol.

Date: 2005-09-29 03:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The characterization was a bit off? I suppose with being a crack-ish fic...but that still bugs me. Is there anything you could point out particularly, so I could work on it? Characterization was my main reason for going on hiatus in the first place. O_o;

Date: 2005-09-29 03:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It wasn't MAJORLY off. Just a few points were I felt that Subaru wouldn't have perhaps done that. I mean, I could see Seishiro standing there, and seeing how embarased subaru was... :rereads: I think it's more a case of repoduction, and Subaru having scientic endevors (unless he is unsure as to how many breeding programs are run in zoos, for tourists and for enviromental reasons) he wouldn't have been so embarased until Seishiro turned up. So as you see, it's just the crack point. I feel crack should be taken seriously. XD;;;;;;; And as I said, it was the only issue I could nit pick at you for. (I do tend to be overcritical) XD; :feels bad: And like I said, I don't feel the need to rewrite over bits... So it isn't all that major.

:has a moment of icon love: That is a fantastic icon.

Date: 2005-09-29 03:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
:has been reading other comments: I haven't read any of your other fics, but you *didn't* turn Subaru into a whimp. Which in reading around, seems an easy thing to do.

Date: 2005-09-29 05:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Unless you want to cry and claw out your bleeding eyes, I wouldn't suggest reading any of my earlier Subaru fics. O_o; But thank you! I think I see where I might have gone wrong, and I'll watch that. I'm glad to know that I didn't botch it enough to make Subaru a wimp. I guess I've gotten better in that respect at least.

Thank you! I'll be more careful next time. I'll try a serious fic, so it'll be easier to see if I've got the characterizations well enough. I think the issue you pointed out is big enough that I ought to worry about it.

And thanks for the compliment on the icon! ^_^ Monty Python is such a good angst-reliever.

Date: 2005-09-29 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
By all means try different generes. Just keeping writing is a great way to improve. But don't leave off the crack. ^___- Or try taking crack seriously... Lol.

Oh yeah! Mother of all randomness. XD! Have you seen the Black Knight x Evangellion AMV someone made? I know think someone should do that for X Subaru/Seishiro... Lol...

Date: 2005-09-30 11:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Black Knight x Eva AMV o_o No way! Really? That's awesome! I haven't seen that yet, but that sounds like it could be funnier than all heck. ^_^

Subaru and that would be good. I wonder if there's enough clips in X of them fighting to make it work, though. O_o When you think about it, Subaru and Seishirou were rather neglected in the anime. Not as badly as some of the others, but still...

I want to see someone pull that off. That would make me smile.

Date: 2005-10-01 08:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Shall endevor to find it and upload it... XD; :has many discs:

Totally! Lol. I can't decide which way round would be best though... Seishiro = Black Knight?

Date: 2005-09-28 10:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]




*hits the wall*

That made my day. So very Tokyo Babylon! ♥

*continued rolling away into the distance, laughing as she goes*

Date: 2005-09-28 11:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yay! ^_^ And you just made my day as well--and I needed it, with as badly as I'm doing today O_o. I'm very glad you liked this! And remember, if there's anything you see that isn't quite right, let me know! ^_^

Date: 2005-09-28 10:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*has been KILLED* Ok, you have REALLY improved on Subaru, I think. Keep writing him, though and explore different genre with him. Your Seishirou is highly amusing as well, and I was a little surprised that he was listening to the lecture as well. And even if I expected he would tell Subaru that he would like to teach him about it, I still giggled over that line.

Really cute story. Poor little nervous Sumeragi XD

Date: 2005-09-28 11:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
^_^ I'm glad to hear that I've improved. I've been working on it, so it's nice to know that the work has paid off. I'll definitely try writing Subaru in more genres, and see what needs working on. I think X Subaru will be the hardest. I don't know why, but that man is so very difficult for me to get a grasp on!

Yeah, Seishirou's last line was pretty predictable, but I'm glad it still make you laugh. ^_^

Thank you for reading, and I'm glad I didn't make your eyes bleed this time!

Date: 2005-09-29 04:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Subaru is a character I don't see well-written all that often. He can be turned into something really pathetic when there's a lack of attention to the details. But you did very well here and much luck to you on learning to write more with him ^.~

Seishirou's just bloody amusing ♥

*giggles* But seriously, you rock so much for taking the time to pause and work on all this. The improvement is so obvious and it's great!

Date: 2005-09-29 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*blush* Thank you! And I'm glad you like my Seishirou. I find him decidedly easier to write than Subaru.

I agree--it is easy to make X Subaru pathetic. And it's weird; I can see his strengths and why he's such a strong and willed person (he has to be after all he's gone through and to still be alive and pursuing a Wish), but for some reason I find it hard to...portray all of those sides at once. O_o I've a feeling I'll botch my next X Subaru attempt, so if you happen to read it, please don't cry. Much. >_<

I'm glad I've improved, though. Thank you for the encouragement! It was just pointed out to me that the Subaru in this story was a little off, so I'm going to be extremely careful. I'm not there quite yet. ^^;

Date: 2005-09-30 12:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Seishirou's crazy. Just crazy in a sophisticated way. He amazes me XD;

I hate seeing his character butchered, but I don't think anyone gets him immediately. It takes time and effort. And I won't cry XD I'll give you as much as feedback as possible then. But I think you have improved so much that no one should shed tears. People are very thoughtful and considerate toward people who WISH to grow as writers. *squish*

Well, give yourself a tiny break in crack, but do what you are doing and take it all in. You will get there n.n

Date: 2005-10-01 12:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks ^_^ I will greatly value your input, as always, when I post. It's so nice to find people so willing to help, especially such talented people.

..considerate toward people who WISH to grow as writers. *squish*

There are some who don't? o_o; Wouldn't that be...I dunno...counterproductive for someone who's...writing?

Humans are strange creatures.

Date: 2005-10-01 09:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
There will always be helpful people even in a tough fandom like X ♥

Believe it or not, there are people like that. And indeed, it seem counterproductive, but I pretty much don't care. It's their business if they want to basically remain the way they are. Pride probably has a lot to do with it :3

Date: 2005-09-29 01:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Really, Subaru was adorable. He always is, haha :P

Date: 2005-09-29 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love TB for much that reason: he's adorable. And he's a good break from depressing angst X Subaru, who just breaks my heart to read anymore. ;_;

I'm glad you liked it. If there's anything you see that could be improved, or that wasn't quite right, please let me know!

Date: 2005-09-29 04:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This was fun :D. Brought back all the lovely memories that I had, going to middle school and high school, and how they kept going OVER and OVER about this stuff. By the third time we went over it in the 9th grade, I was basically, "OKAY! I GET IT! > o >;." I was seriously just like Subaru with the squirming.

Love how you ended it at the green light >D;.

Date: 2005-09-29 05:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Wow, I'm sorry. Amazingly, I never had the same experience. The only time I was exposed to this was in fourth grade. O_o;;; What they hoped to achieve at that age, I have no freaking clue.

Glad you liked the ending. I wasn't sure if it was too abrupt or not. ^_^ Thanks for reading! And any criticism you might have, please, I'd love to hear it. That's why I'm posting these.

Date: 2005-09-29 10:37 am (UTC)
akk: AKK - Schriftzug aus Blitzen (Default)
From: [personal profile] akk

perfect! :)

Date: 2005-09-29 05:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
^_^ Glad you like. Thank you for reading and giving me a comment! If there's anything you notice that doesn't seem quite right, please let me know. I need to improve.

Date: 2005-09-29 06:57 pm (UTC)
akk: AKK - Schriftzug aus Blitzen (Default)
From: [personal profile] akk
Sure. :)
I usually give more detailed comments than that one, it's just that I was at work and my abused coffee break wasn't that long.
But actually, it says all I have to say. It's sweet, cute, and made me laugh. What can be done better in a crack than making people laugh?

Date: 2005-10-01 12:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
All righty. ^_^ I didn't expect all too much off of a crack piece anyway. It *is* crack, after all. *sweatdrop* ^_^ I'm glad it made you laugh. That is the main point. Thanks!

Date: 2005-09-29 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This was so awesome, thank you! I'm sorry I couldn't give an actual review, but I'm afraid I'm not that coherent at the moment.

But...haha, this was great :D

Date: 2005-10-01 12:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I know that feeling. Non-coherency. Take my word, and never take a test when you're like that. ^^;

Glad you liked it! If you have any later thoughts on this, let me know. I'd be glad to hear them.

Date: 2005-09-30 03:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Something to point out:

trying to decide whether to pale or flush bright crimson

It's not much of a conscious decision, given that once you realize it's going to happen, it has happened, and the manga illustrates that Subaru has zero self-control over his blushing.

Otherwise, highly amusing. It made me grin.

Date: 2005-10-01 12:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Good point. ^^;; That was an instance of me trying too hard, and rolling a 2. I'll fix that, or try to, at least. Thanks for pointing that out. My grasp on Subaru is still not all that great.

I'm glad it was amusing overall, aside from that. Thanks for reading!

Your icon is brilliant, by the way.

Date: 2005-10-23 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Naaaah! I saw this on Clampesque and was an ass not to tell you how amazingly crackelishous this is. Kudos!


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Etienne Bessette

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